Heartstrings

Hello House.

How do you tell someone that what you want, what you need is to curl up in a ball in someone's arms and cry until there's no more tears left, while they caress your hair and tell you everything is going to be ok? I'm scared. And I feel like I'm alone in this fright because my family won't let me talk about it, for all the blabbing I supposedly do, they never let me talk about the important things. And there's something about a guy holding you... that edge of romance. Not that a guy would really understand or care.... most of them would be thinking with their dicks and wanting to cheer me up so that they can stick it in me. I've become so hard, so cynical. I'm frightened that I digressing into something I left behind.

I'm scared. I'm lonely in the sense that I feel I'm walking this path alone. I don't have a boyfriend to hold my hand, cheer me on, rub my back to get the knots out. It's just me. Then when I hear people with boyfriends and jobs and familys complain about how inadequate their lives are I just want to smack them across the face and tell them to shut up. But I don't because I know I'd be a hypocrite. For in comparison to most of the world, my life is wonderful, perfect even. And how dare I complain.

But I'm scared and I want someone to care about me and hold me and tell me it will all be ok. I want to hold him tightly and just cry. Cry all night until I fall asleep. But who would do that for me? Is that even too much to ask? How dare I ask it.

Hello House. House. House.

I need the comfort of feeling safe, and at ease.......... something that wont change or abandon me. Something that won't lie.

I'm scared. and I'm hurt. And for once I'm really pissed off that I'm hurt. I don't chalk it up to life. I don't wave it off because thats what happens................... now I'm pissed. Who dare hurt me? Fuck you.

I'm so hurt. My heart is achy from being bounced around and stretched on the rack from people testing its elasticity. I can't take it anymore. Fuck you all.

My trust in men.... and women for that matter, is dangling by a single heart string.

Who will cut it? For trust is lighter than deceit and will not be torn off by gravity.